Fun fact: I have a very difficult time keeping eye contact with someone for an extended period time. The aforementioned statement is even more true if you’re a guy . And I like you . Ah the joys of social anxiety.
My entire existence has been a nothing more than a mish mash of awkward moments and socially inappropriate reactions; it’s become some what apart of my personality. I laugh at the most unfunny moments and I find it near impossible to console an emotional person. In addition to falling somewhere on the “very socially awkward” spectrum , I also suffer from a syndrome commonly known as Resting B*tch Face. My facial displacement doesn’t help my already reclusive nature. Simply put , I am screwed. Ha. It’s weird , I am one of the most outgoing yet shy people that I know , unfortunately if you don’t know me personally you’ll believe the latter before the former. My social awkwardness seems to operate on the same switch schedule as my mood ; easily flipped , uncontrollable and unexpected. Seriously , it’s so hard to know when I’ll be carefree socially upbeat Taj or run for the hills , cower behind my too soft voice and quick smile Nataja. I’m working on it guys , I promise. I can’t be the only who comes up with just the right words to say to the cute guy you met at the bar , 6 hours after you’ve already left the restaurant. I can’t tell you how many facepalms I’ve self-delivered because I just couldn’t fix my mouth to say hi . Or even worse , blindly missed an opportunity to engage in playful conversation because I had already convinced myself I wasn’t his type ( even though his words and body language CLEARLY communicated otherwise.) I’ve found that I’m not as socially awkward with/around women , but I’ve had my share of missed connections due to anxiety/ insecurity. I discussed a little a bit in my last blog ” Be Shameless . . . For Introverts” about how my social anxiety negatively impacted a very important networking event for me and I realized at that point that maybe it was a little deeper than “just my personality”; something needed to be done. Where are my fellow awkward turtles ? What do you all do to soothe your anxiety ? Is there a way to make an awkward moment , less awkward ? I’ve decided that my solution is to try to get out of my head and live in the moment, to be present. I want to try to live outside of my comfort zone , push my limits and just see what happens. I’ve dealt with insecurities all my life and it’s like as soon as I’ve almost rid myself of them here comes this crippling anxiety; can’t win for losing. There’s nothing wrong with being different and quirky , I actually admire that about myself , but I do admit that being shy has had its disadvantages. I think the best thing that I can do is be more proactive about being who I am unapologetically , despite fear of rejection or not being accepted. Here’s an ode to my socially awkward , overwhelming shy and mind-bendingly anxious friends / fam , may you always the love silliest/incomprehensible parts of you and attract people who do the same.
P. S – to the manager at the BWW on Hollywood Blvd , you were hecka cute and in another life I would have told you so , but in the famous words of the beautiful Elle Varner “not tonight.”
As always , thanks for listening ❤️