Passion vs. Pain

The past few weeks has been a bit rough on me , both mentally and spiritually. There has been just so many things going on and I haven’t been doing too good of a job managing my stress. I haven’t been to church in 3 weeks and I can’t tell you why. I am past due on the deadline for my spring collection and I am no where near on schedule for completing it. This time not for lack of inspiration, but simply because I don’t want to. I would consider this “the struggle to create when hurting.” Because that’s exactly what it is. I am hurting and not coping with it well. Everything from family issues to love life woes is weighing heavy on my heart right now. Normally I would be able to work through it; ignore the pain and persevere. But this time was just too much. Maybe because everything happened around the same time or it could be that I’ve just finally reached my breaking point. I don’t know if this is what a nervous breakdown feels like , but if not it has to be pretty close.  The worse part is that while my heart suffers my mind flourishes ; my creativity feeds off hurt. I am just now feeling like I have my head above water and I am working in overtime to get my life back on track. I’ve never felt so much pain to the point that hindered my passion, but I guess there is a first time for everything. I think though, that I needed that break to remember that I am human. Sometimes I suppress my feelings so much that I forget that I have them. I am not use to feeling vulnerable and open, but in those two weeks , I felt everything and it reminded me that old wounds only  close  when I take the time to heal them . Here is to maintaining and preserving our mental health because we are human and it only takes but so much to send us over the ledge; it is our job to make sure we never get that close.

Special thank you to all my friends who I’ve confided in , the ones who remind me of my dream & vision when I’m no longer able to see it. Funny how they are the reason I am still in LA and the very reason I want to go back home. Love you all.

As always, thanks for listening

-Taj<3

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