What Now?

And I just wanna scream

What now? I just can’t figure it out
What now? I guess I’ll just wait it out
What now? Please tell me
What now? – Rihanna

So here I am on the verge of my 24th birthday and this song by Rihanna is literally the soundtrack to my life. There’s so much I want to do , so much that I want to say and I have no clue where to start. What now? What’s next? I have a Fashion Brand that I would love more than anything to get off the ground  , I’m coming up on 7 years of working at a job that I’ve outgrown years ago, I haven’t written a poem in God knows how long, I’m still in Delaware when my heart is in at LA and yet another birthday is coming to remind me that I am not where I want to be. I’m so used to being on the go and doing something with my creativity that this standstill is killing me. I am so uninspired its ridiculous. I am trying to be happy with my “now” as I journey to find my  “next”, but let me tell you, its not easy! I know slow and steady wins the race , but I feel like I am moving at super snail pace and it feels like I’ll never get there. It gets discouraging seeing others flourish in their perspective fields while you struggle to find your place. But for me its also motivation, not to be like them, but to be the best me. I keep saying that I need to create a mood board and a dream board to get my inspiration flowing , but I never actually do it. No more excuses! My next blog post will include both! I am tired of being tired and stuck in the same place . I have to start taking responsibility for where I am in my life. Next month I go to look at apartments in LA and maybe while I am there something will inspire me to figure out what’s next for Diamond Lush ! As far as writing, I don’t know. Poetry has always been breath to life for me and I wont deny that there are times when I feel less than because I’m not writing. That’s definitely something I need to pray about. I need to pray more , like, a lot more. I don’t know what God has in store, but at least I’m still looking forward to what’s next.  The day that stops, is when the real problem begins! Thanks for listening

-Taj

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