Mommy?

It’s official , I have some serious baby fever. Literally every time I see a baby I get all warm and fuzzy. Just the other day I was out to lunch with my cousin and the booth we were seated in was almost directly across from a young woman and her precious baby girl. And for the life of me I just couldn’t take my eyes off her. She was just so tiny and beautiful. I had this huge smile on my face, my eyes started to water , the whole nine yards. I tried to advert my gaze because let’s face it , the mom probably thought I was some crazy lady staring at her child, but she had my heart by the strings in that little bit of time. Crazy enough, just a few years ago I couldn’t see myself with kids (despite the fact that I’ve always wanted them.) Those who know me could even say that I disliked them, which I must admit has a hint of truth. The crying whining tantrums was what I was not looking forward to. There was always something quite annoying to me about the presence of children .However , ironically , I was a kid magnet; they loved me! And now apparently I’ve had a change of heart. I can’t go a day without daydreaming of what having a daughter (preferably twins) of mine own would be like (this uterus is a no boys allowed zone). If I had to pinpoint a moment that catapulted this entire shift it would have to be the birth of my niece Taylor. That little girl had my heart from the beginning. You know what , I wonder if this sudden stir of maternal emotions could be what is contributing to my increase in emotional sensitivity . On a normal day I would consider myself rather stoic and standoffish but as of late I have seen quite a spike in my episodes of crying and just overall overly emotional reactions .One night I burst in to tears watching a movie and it was near impossible to calm myself . Thank God I was alone (as if that’s ever not the case) ;for the life of me I couldn’t decided whether I found the movie that sad or if there was more to the tears. I still couldn’t tell you. Then again it come be me pms’in (please let it be that !) I can handle this new urge to reproduce, but I am not at all ready to become this overly sensitive woman who lays on the couch crying at soap opera (sorry mama, I still love you anyway.) Yet in the same sense I have this strange feeling that this is God’s way of preparing me for the intensity of love that will come with birthing a child. And if that’s the case I don’t mind the extra tears or the unnecessary & overly emotional moments. I’m ready to be a mom and I don’t know if I should be excited or scared. Probably both. No, definitely both .

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