Let Me Explain

I’ve been posting quite a bit lately about my views on love and marriage and I feel like I should explain why I have some of these thoughts or at least try. I am very vocal about my desire to abstain from sex until marriage, I always have been. Being a virgin at the age of 22 is something I am very proud of . My only fear is that sometimes I can come off as “preachy” or judgemental or seem arrogant as if to say I am better than anyone else ;that has never been my intention. My confidence in my choice to wait comes from a very personal place and I don’t seek to discourage anyone from what they think is right for them. My main reason for being so open about my vow is so that those around me may have an understanding as to why I say or do the things I do , especially for men who seek to pursue me as a potential partner. The last thing I want is to lead someone on and promise things I can’t and will not deliver on. And let me tell you, it hasn’t been easy. At times it has been downright frustrating and discouraging. I can’t begin to explain the sting that rejection brings especially when it’s at the hands of a man who has such little respect for you that he feels entitled to your body after one conversation ; who looks at your vow to wait as a challenge to take on. It hurts .But I digress. The only thing I can do is hold fast to what I believe in having faith that love is stronger than lust and that any man meant to be in my life will honor me and my decision. Not seek to change or amend it. And should I, as a result of a lapse of judgement or moment of weakness, choose to go back on this vow I pray that it will be with a man who loves me enough to steer me back on course. I don’t expect everyone to understand it, hell, sometimes I don’t ,but I can ask that you respect it. I think my biggest fear is that no one will find me worth the wait. That I’ll give in, not because I want to, but because it’s the only option I have. I’m not ignorant, I know that sex is an important part of a romantic relationship , and please do not confuse my inexperience as admittance to the popular theory about virgins (albeit it false in most cases) that we are uninterested in it. I have the same needs and desires if not stronger since I have chosen to not act upon them. I too crave someone to keep me warm at night, but for me , it’s just not worth the risk. Do I think it’s selfish? Holding out? Expecting someone to just give if up for me? I guess from the outside in ,it could look that way, but I believe there is so much more to learn about a person before you become intimate and that it becomes increasingly hard to do when you add sex to the mix. Now, that’s not to say it can’t be done, I just believe that it will be easier for me without the distractions. I know God has someone just for me and when I meet him I’ll understand why it never worked with anyone before him . The way I see it, what greater gift to give my husband on our wedding night than the whole of me, mind body and soul ; completely untainted by anyone else’s hands. Now that’s love.

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