Day 15: Narrate a conversation between you and someone in your life who you never had closure with. What would you say? What would they say? What outcome would you hope for?
Wow. Didn’t expect to go so deep with this challenge , but I signed on to do it , so I will. At this point in my life there are several people with whom I need closure , but I think this conversation would be with my stepmother. I can honestly say that in this lifetime she has hurt me the most. I wouldn’t say I’m bitter but I’m not over it either. I forgive her and I am doing my best to release the hurt , but its hard. I have no clue what she’d say and as much as I would love to say I hope that things get better I’m at the point where I don’t really care if they do. Once I let someone, it’s near impossible to come back. But if I had the chance to speak with her this is what I’d say . . .
Me: You hurt me. More than anyone , including yourself , could ever understand. To me you were mom, blood was never a factor to me but in time you proved it was one for you. I will never understand how someone who says they love someone could just distance them from their lives and make them feel as though they never mattered. How they can go from loving mother one day to a cold stranger the next. I never felt like I belonged, I knew I wasn’t wanted , but I never thought you’d come out and make that plain. I estranged my own mother because I believed that my heart could only have room for one, and I chose you. And there isn’t a day that I don’t regret that. I never asked for you to be in my life , but I always thanked God that you were, until now. I know what you done and who you were and I thank you for that. But thats not the here and now. In the here and now , my heart is closed to you. And I don’t care to open it. I wish you would have just left it as stepmother.
I’m leaving out alot, and I would never have the nerve to say it like that, but I meant every word I said.